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Recap: Monster Dog (1984), starring Alice Cooper

Recap: Monster Dog (1984), starring Alice Cooper

I watched Monster Dog this weekend and now I’m going to tell you all about it so that you don’t have to. You’re Welcome.

The movie starts with an awesome music video.

Just so you know, this music video is the best thing about the entire movie. It will also worm its way in to your brain until you find yourself singing it while you brush your teeth two days later.Alice Cooper Monster Dog Identity Crisis video

We meet Vince (Alice Cooper). He’s a rock star with a little black rain cloud of sadness in his past. It’s time for him to shoot a new music video. Why not shoot the video in his hometown? No biggie. He just hasn’t been back in 20 years – y’know… since THE TRAGEDY. He and his video crew (including girlfriend/video director, Sandra) climb in the Mystery Machine and make the trek back home.
Cut to Vincent’s childhood home. It’s all deserted with the exception of a loyal groundskeeper, who’s preparing to receive the prodigal son and his friends with snacks. Everything’s going great until he is suddenly greeted at the door with evil puppy dogs who promptly eat him.

The gang finds themselves on a dark, foggy mountain road and are soon met with a roadblock. Local law enforcement warns them that packs of wild dogs are roaming around killing people. I sense plot development!

Monster Dog driving in the fog

“I can’t see a gosh darned thing!”

Monster Dog roadblock

“Watch out for killer dogs, ya hear?”

The gang drives on and the cops are swiftly killed – not by wild dogs, but by something bigger. What was that? Some kind of… MONSTER DOG?

Monster Dog kills cops

“I like eatin’ cops!”

Vince and pals pull up to the Scooby Doo mansion. Groundskeeper Willie is strangely absent.

Monster Dog mansion

Welcome Vincent

“I guess Groundskeeper Willie decided to go on vacation instead of waiting for us to arrive.”

Vincent quickly gets over the absence of the only remaining figure from his childhood and everyone settles in. Being back home brings up a lot of bad memories for Vincent. He decides to go do some reading in the library. He’s got his dark and painful past to ponder.

Monster Dog library

“Watcha readin’, honey?”

Monster Dog werewolf book

“Oh you know… a book about werewolves”

Turns out Vincent’s daddy was killed by the townsfolk on suspicion of werewolferism. Uh-oh. Is there monster dog blood in Vince’s family?
Enough brooding over the past, these crazy kids are here to shoot a music video! Vincent/Alice Cooper puts on make-up like a champ – I see this scene as somewhere between Elizabeth Taylor and Annie Lennox. It’s magical.

Monster Dog make-up

“I am one big bad diva and don’t you forget it.”

Monster Dog Music Video Shoot

Music video shootin’

The video shoot is interrupted by Groundskeeper Willie’s body unexpectedly crashing through a window, causing Angela to lose her marbles and go running off in the wilderness. Vincent has to go after her – looking spectacular in his music video rocker getup, wielding a shotgun.

Monster Dog Vincent shotgun

“I look amazing.”

Local yokels show up to cause trouble (Is that El Guapo?).

Monster Dog Local Yokels

Monster Dog townfolk

“We come to do in Vince like we done his daddy!”

Vincent’s friends let them in the house to talk things over. Not a good idea, guys. All hell breaks loose. Yokels start attacking everyone. Wild dogs show up. There’s a major body count. Then Monster Dog shows up, and so does Vince right after. Coincidence??? Everyone gets separated.
Sandra discovers Vince downstairs getting along with the wild dogs. Were the yokels right? Could Vincent be… MONSTER DOG????!!!

Monster Dog subduing wild dogs

“Niiiiiiice doggies…”

Monster Dog Are you Monster Dog?

“Honey, are you a Monster Dog?” “Of course not, silly. I love you.”

Hmmm. Things are looking pretty suspicious. Vincent and Sandra are the only survivors. They try to get away, but a monster dog attacks. Vince is bitten.

Monster Dog shoot me

“I’ve been bitten. You have to shoot me!”

Monster Dog I don't want to shoot

“I can’t do it! I love you too much!”

Monster Dog I'm turning into Monster Dog

“I’m totally turning into Monster Dog!”

Monster Dog you have to shoot

“No seriously, you have to shoot!”

Left with no choice, Sandra shoots him. Several times. The End.
We’re left to ponder. Did Vince have monster dog blood in him all along or was it just destiny? Who cares? Let’s watch the opening music video again, cos suddenly I feel like it’s the best song ever.

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Angie (143 Posts)

Angie lives in a house with a Greg, two cats, and some plants. She works in an office doing officey type things. In her free time she enjoys playing music, drawing, and fantasizing about unicorns, zombies, and werewolves. You can find more of her writing at kissthechicken or follow her on twitter: @kisstheechicken

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