OK, so this past Wednesday I was just enjoying life as a lady should, you know the drill…getting up, taking a shower, eating some hippie brand version of Shredded Wheat, going to work, working a while, screwing off online…when all of a sudden I felt something off, something weird. Basically, I really really really felt the urgent need to pee. And so I did (in the proper place, of course). The problem was, even after I finished peeing, I still had to pee. Like, a lot. Over the course of the day I developed a fever of 103, went to the Instacare, and discovered that I had what is commonly known as a “complicated” Urinary Tract Infection. Yes, the dreaded UTI. I know pretty much every lady except me has had a UTI before, but at age 37, this was my first.
(In fact, my only close experience with UTIs up to this point was when my beloved cat Munch got one a few years ago. He was miserable. I felt really bad for him and nursed him through it and I’m glad to say that he’s been happily infection free for years now).
But back to me…one thing I noticed while I was suffering the symptoms of the dreaded UTI is how much having to pee is just really awful. I mean, it’s like when you’re on a road trip and you’ve had too much water or Dr. Pepper or whatever and suddenly you have to pee, like, immediately. But let’s say you’re driving in the middle of the desert in the afternoon and a ton of other travelers are around, or maybe you don’t feel all that comfortable peeing on the side of the road. So, you wait…and wait…frantically scanning each passing road sign for that little Rest Stop icon. It can seem like forever before you get the chance to pull over, waddle inside and feel that glorious feeling of relief in ye olde bladder as you sit on a metal toilet seat under the fluorescent glare of the rest stop lighting. Such relief!
This week I found out that UTIs are really awful for the same reason. I felt like I had to pee with that “too much water on a road trip” urgency ALL DAY LONG. In fact, I walked slowly and awkwardly to the ladies room at work probably 35 times (no lie) in about 4 hours. And the second I started peeing each time there was NO RELIEF. I felt exactly the same right after peeing as I had before I sat down. It was like some sort of torture. In fact, if some evil dude (I’m thinking Lawrence Olivier in Marathon Man here) had tortured me by giving me this UTI and then promised me he could offer some bladder relief if I just gave in and told him “it was safe”, I’d have done it in a second. Even though I had no idea where his stupid diamonds were. It was that bad.
Anyway, like I said, luckily my sweet husband took me to the Instacare where I got tested and received some crazytown strong antibiotics that are only used for treating really bad UTIs and anthrax (again, I lie not). The next day, my fever was down and my bladder was singing happy songs again. All was well.
But here’s the thing folks, the experience has left me a changed woman. I am now a woman afraid of bacteria in a way I hadn’t previously been. I am now a woman who (and here’s where the health advice part of this post comes in) would recommend all those around me to follow the advice on the Mayo Clinic’s website.
Oh, and even though my beloved Mayo Clinic website doesn’t mention it, you’re apparently supposed to take showers more than baths. This saddens me. I love a good bath. But you know what? Now I’m re-thinking my ways. Yes, that ding dang ol’ UTI hurt THAT much…it made me re-think the glory that is my semi-regular nightly bath in which I watch re-runs of Family Ties on Netflix. What a world, what a world.